I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
