I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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