I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
