so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
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