just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
