today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
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