I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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