yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
should my penis look like a turkey
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
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