this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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