Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
