he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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