I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
