The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
