i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
