You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
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