I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
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