OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
