Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
