so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Randomize
