Three words: puerto rican gang bang
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
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