I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
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