so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
True but thats because hes a fetus.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
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