Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
