So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
There's always time for handjobs
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
