my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
