I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I FOUND THE LEGS
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
