I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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