There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Randomize
