i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
