she takes plan B like it's going out of style
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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