We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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