I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
We have so much sex to catch up on
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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