On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
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