Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
