It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
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