I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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