Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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