I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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