happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
