i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
