You're so nebulous sometimes
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Randomize
