i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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