shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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