the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
