Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
