I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Randomize
