i think my tv is drunk
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
