bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Randomize
