my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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