Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
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