she looked like the before picture.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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